RESENTMENT
It takes but one resentment to kill any intimacy.
Thoughtmap Of Resentment
Resentment Theory
How to Create a Resentment?
Resentment Is A Mixed Emotion
There are useful things to learn about what your Box is and what your Gremlin is before you can make maximum use of what is explained here. We suggest that you explore the Box Technology bubble and the Your Gremlin bubble before continuing here so that you already have the distinctions we will use to untangle your resentments.
It is also useful to experientially explore the vast difference between your 4 feelings and your 4 emotions so that you are familiar with how they work, and what they are useful for when used consciously.
Resentment is optional. Resentment is an option that is chosen by your Box/Gremlin, not chosen by your Being. Your Box and your Being have different priorities and different purposes.
Resentment is an emotional reaction that you feel when you believe in a particular interpretation that you made up about something that happened which you think should NOT have happened, or about something that did NOT happen that you think should have happened.
Anyone can create the experience of resentment for themselves by mixing:
Resentment Is Gremlin Food
By stopping intimacy your Gremlin creates separation.
Separation is intensely painful. The one who feels resentment has won. The one who is resented has lost.
This is why it is so common for both people to feel resentful at the same time, so they both live in the fantasy world that they have 'won'.
But it is their Box and Gremlin who have 'won'. Their Being has lost.
Resentment is trying to get revenge instead of trying to get responsible.
Trying to avoid responsibility is a Gremlin's primary purpose.
Using your primary relationship as a Gremlin feeding ground where resentment goes unquestioned only makes for a fat Gremlin. Love cannot thrive there, and your Being goes starving.
It is possible to hold your primary relationship as a Gremlin-free space. By learning a few Possibilitator tools and skills you can become an intimacy journeyer.
Resentment Is A Survival Strategy
Resentment Kills Intimacy
...intense little conversations.
Harry & Samantha: Resentment Kills Intimacy
YOUTUBEx.06
Jordon Peterson - facing into your own resentment
Have you done everything you could to set your life straight?
https://hartleybradfordnicole.medium.com/becoming-an-un-resentful-person-bf4ab392062c
I knew I had resentments: against my mother, my ex-husband, my former housemates and some friends and other ex-es who had “done me wrong.” As I worked with the Resentment website, I gained more distinctions about the anatomy of resentments, how resentment works, and how I kill intimacy by having them. I felt deep sadness, some anger, fear and then joy, as I started to clear my resentments. It turned me into a resentment hunter, finding them under every frown, sigh, and rolled eye gesture I made for months and months... READ MORE
Coming Soon...
Dismantling Resentment
Your Box Might Crystallize
The world is rich in evidence.
There is so much evidence in the world that you can find some piece of evidence to support any story you want to make up about yourself, about your circumstances, about what happened before, what is happening now, what might happen anytime in the future, and about anyone else.
It only takes one tiny bit of evidence to support a gigantic story.
Once you have identified something as the evidence for your viewpoint, your interpretation, your story, then something magical happens. Your story becomes 'true' (meaning 'true for you').
If you do not catch yourself (or your Gremlin Ego State, or your Parent Ego State, or your Child Ego State) making up stories, finding evidence to validate your stories, and thus making your stories 'true', you will be living in a very confusing world that is located quite far away from reality (and therefore far away from possibility).
The stories that you make up about yourself, about the people around you, and about what you are supposed to do in a world like this with people like them, are located in your Box.
What this means is that your stories solidify (and after a while they crystallize) and make the shape of your Box. Your stories become part of your comprehensive 360 degree filter that is active 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, telling you what you can perceive and how to perceive it, and what you can express and how to express it.
And if you do not disidentify from your Box, then you think that your Box is who you are.
The result is that you will be stuck inside this survival construct - imprisoned inside of it - like a chicken is encased in its eggshell - but for the rest of your life, until you escape the 8 prisons through authentic adulthood initiatory processes and grow up.
Dismantling a resentment requires dismantling the story that supports it.
Dismantling one of the stories in your Box changes the shape of your entire Box.
And if you are identified with your Box as if your Box is who you are... then changing even one story in one part of your Box feels like dying. This is truly scary.
Truly.
Most people who have let their Gremlin create stories about their partner so that they feel resentment towards their partner choose to take apart their relationship rather than take apart their stories.
Then their Gremlin creates the same kinds of stories to create resentment with their next partner...
Think about it from the Box's point of view. If your Being were to allow another Being to get closer to you than the walls of your Box, then that other Being could turn around and look over its shoulder and see that your Box was fake.
Your Box is fictional.
That mask you wear, those attitudes you carry, all those opinions, your cool style, your mysterious secrets... it is all fake. It is a shell. It is a mere survival strategy.
Yes it works... to survive in isolation prison. But staying in there for years behind your pretty-face tough-guy facade does not work if you want to live.
How lonely are you in there?
And if you avoid the Path of transformation and the evolution of consciousness for too long, your Box crystallizes into its current shape. I am sure you know people who, every time you meet with them, tell you the same old stories over-and-over again, have the same kinds of problems... do you want to end up like that? Crystallization can already start happening in your early thirties...
It could be your time to jump into an evolutionary healing process... taking apart your resentments is a good place to start with this.
The Phoenix Process
Dismantling Resentment
Withdrawing Expectations From Someone One-At-A-Time Forever
Choose one relationship with which to do this experiment. Choose someone close to you, probably your primary partner, or someone you are creating a project with. Ask this person if they would do this experiment with you. Sit across from each other in chairs. You can do this with or without a spaceholder. (Better with a spaceholder.)
Person A starts by paying close attention to your thoughts as they look at the person sitting across from them. Notice the stories that you have created about Person B as a result of that person not meeting your past expectations of them. These incidents should be easy to find because each one leaves an emotional scar on your heart.
Say out loud each expectation that you hold towards them by saying “I expect you to…” or, “I expect that you…” and also tell about times when they didn’t fulfill your expectations.
Be vigilant and specific. Keep going describing the qualities of the relationship that you have created through holding big or small expectations towards Person B.
Now consider removing all of your expectations about this person, one at a time. Imagine what it would be like to participate in this relationship without expectations. If you stop expecting something, anything, then what the other person does is what they do, and you can be present with them with who they actually are instead of with your unfulfilled expectations of what they should be or should not have done or been.
What would the other person experience if they were in a relationship with you that was completely free of your expectations? Would they begin to experience being accepted? Would they begin to experience being respected?
Here is where this experiment becomes transformational.
Person A chooses one well-justified expectation that you have held about Person B for some time. Then, say to this person, “I have been holding onto an expectation of you that _______,” and fill in the blank with the specifics of your expectation.
Then say, “I withdraw FOREVER the expectation that you _______.”
Then say nothing. Calmly wait in the new space you have just created. Stay present.
Stay connected. Let the feelings come up. Keep breathing.
Experience what happens inside of you, inside of the other person, and in the connection space when you withdraw your expectation forever from them.
Reverse roles between Person A and Person B, and start over.
Consider performing this same experiment with one or two additional expectations. No more. Our nervous system can only adjust to so much transformation at one given moment.
This section is from John Renesch mini-keynote of February 2022
The Gaian Road Team interviewed John Renesch at his apartment in San Francisco, California in 2012.
You could be considering New Year’s Resolutions, future aspirations, or something related to mistakes or omissions from the past. In a recent holidays gathering of friends, one man shared his own challenges with recurring regret over things he has done or not done expressing a desire to leap over them whenever they arise, much like a pole-vaulter sailing over a nest of rattle snakes.
I have not spent much time feeling regret in the past several decades. I believe that my 12-Step practice of routinely clearing resentments, making amends and forgiving myself has played a big role in this liberation from regret. Making amends to anyone I have offended in the past – by way of apologies, asking for forgiveness or even restitution when it is called for is one way to close the loop in these regretful situations.
This process also seems to dissolve resentments. When I hold onto a resentment – which I see as synonymous with failing to forgive someone – it only hurts me, the 'resenter'. The person or situation I resent isn’t suffering because I refuse to forgive them; but I suffer. I’m the one carrying around the unexpressed emotion which can lead to illness and all sorts of physical maladies. As Nelson Mandela was reported to have said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
As people shared their stories about regret in our holiday gathering it became clear to me that regret about something one did or failed to do is a form of resentment. It is a judgement about something that happened or didn’t happen in the past. But in contrast to being a resentment about somebody else, it is a resentment about oneself.
The antidote – the way to liberate yourself from this vicious cycle of regret – is to fully forgive yourself for what you are judging as a mistake or a wrong you’ve done.
Experiments
Experimenting is a way to practice simple skills that eventually flow together into greater competence.
What is competence to one woman may seem like magic to another woman,
but it's actually just competence in an uncommon dimension.
Matrix Code RESENTME.01
Sit down with your Beep! Book and a ballpoint pen and start thinking about that pen for a few minutes.
Yes, it's a ballpoint pen, you know it. It has this name: Ballpoint Pen. And you usually use it for writing.
Look at and explore this ballpoint pen for 30 minutes. Set the timer for that. If it is a multi-part pen, take it apart and look at each part carefully.
What material is it made of?
How does the mechanism work?
What do the parts smell like? How heavy are the parts?
What color are the parts?
When you have taken it apart, put it back together.
And then take it apart again. Do this two or three times.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.02
Write down everything that can be done with a ballpoint pen. Use a second pen to write.
Do not stop writing until your list contains at least 50 items or you have spent 1 hour focused on it.
Also look at the individual parts of the disassembled pen.
What can you do with it?
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.03
Get together with two friends and work with them on the list.
Together, collect at least 100 possibilities of what you can do with the individual parts of a pen or the whole pen.
When you do these experiments, you will eventually have a list of at least 150 ways to do things with a pen.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.04
Get together with two friends and find possibilities for the following scenario:
You want to write something down urgently and you don't have a pen. There's no one around because you've recently been stranded on a deserted island after your pirate ship was ripped open on a coral reef and sank.
Together, find 50 ways to write something down anyway.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.05
How do you find out where you have resentment with yourself?
What do you observe? What do you feel?
Resentment = unfulfilled expectation. - What if the expectation is not yours, but from your parents? "You should not watch TV all day" - Does that make a difference?
Find out and write down in a list where you have resentment with yourself. Write this list for a whole week.
Carry your Beep! Book with you all week. Number each item.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.06
It is necessary to do the previous experiment before starting with this one.
Consider the points where you are upset with yourself.
Behind each point is at least one assumption. (Assumption = How are you (or is the world) supposed to be?)
Write the assumptions in your Beep! Book by working down the list from top to bottom: My Assumptions on Item 1:....., My Assumptions on Item 2:.....
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.07
Go back through all the assumptions about yourself that you wrote down in the previous experiment (you need to do the previous experiments first). Write down what evidence you have for your assumptions.
This evidence is the reason you believe your assumptions to be true.
When you accept these assumptions as true, they can lead to expectations about yourself.
Example:
I'm upset because I didn't go to yoga today.
Behind this is the expectation of myself (I expect myself) to go to yoga regularly.
The assumption behind this is: yoga is good for at least 3 of the 5 physical bodies.
My proof: my yoga teacher is always in a good mood, is never sick and is bursting with energy.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.08
Find a buddy, a person who will help you pull back your own expectations of yourself. (Can also be done online).
The person sits across from you and takes on your role.
You begin (speaking as yourself as well) with the words:
NAME, I have an expectation that you always go to yoga class.
I withdraw that expectation now and forever.
Go through any expectations you have of yourself like this.
Your buddy, who is in your role, can echo what he heard and say thank you.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Matrix Code RESENTME.09
First round:
Get into groups of two and meet in breakout rooms.
Person A starts talking about what expectations they perceive in person B about themselves and about the team / this call.
Person B doesn't say anything about this, they don't nod, confirm, laugh, grimace, or deny anything. Person B writes down bullet points.
Second round:
Now person A talks about what impact she/he feels because of these expectations from person B. What does she/he feel because of this? What does she/he feel because of this? What is she/he thinking? What does she/he do? What does she/he not do? What does she/he do to avoid causing anger in person B?
Person A speaks for 5 minutes. Person B does not say anything, does not nod, does not confirm, does not laugh, does not grimace, and does not deny anything. Person B writes down bullet points.
Third round:
Person A does a reality check on person B for each expectation from the first round.
She/he begins each point by saying:
"I perceive in you the expectation that... What do you think about my perception / does my perception correspond to your reality?"
When all three rounds are through, a role reversal occurs.
This space can be followed by a space to take back expectations.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code RESENTME.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point for each of you.
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play massively-multiplayer online-and-offline matrix-building thoughtware-upgrade context-shift personal-transformation game called StartOver.xyz, powered by Possibility Management. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness. No one can do this for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Our theory is that when we collectively build one million more Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code RESENTME.00 to log your Matrix Points at https://login.startover.xyz/. Thank you for playing full out!